tisiphone_ca

11:13 pm: round and round we go
So many changes. It's funny how life is: it stands still for longish periods of time, only to undergo rapid periods of evolution. I'm rediculously busy with APO, Main Campbell mentoring, research, biochem club, and GBP, and loving every minute of it. When I was pledging I was told that APO will suck you in and and overtake your life...in a good way, and those brothers were right. At the same time, however, I've been pulled away from what once seemed like an indescructable group of fellow biochemers. But as some have their own activities and virtually the rest of the group has pledged AXS, they've gotten even tighter whereas I've chosen a different path. To those reading this, I don't want you to think I'm bitter or upset. This is merely an observation. I guess I'm a lil saddened, but I know we're all still friends- things have just changed, but that is life. It makes me appreciate the constants in my life, the rocks to which I'm tethered: Aunt Mel, Megan, Sarah. I love ya'll, whether we talk daily, weekly, or every couple of months, you are forever in my heart.

It has definitely been a semester for growth. I've learned so much about myself, the kind of person I want to be, what I want. Now I've just got to make it happen.

01:06 am: oops
        Okay, so I got pretty slack about updating. There was a lot going on, and half the time I was too tired to try to update coherently, and the rest of the time, I just didn't care. Those of you who actually read about this probably know what was going on, and if you don't, just ask, I don't want to get into it. But now to be back on track with things:
        Spring break was incredible.  It was my first spring break trip, and I must say, Chapel Hill/Orlando/Cocoa Beach is not a bad one to do.  Laura and Joci were a blast to hang out with, as usual, and I got to know Joci's lil, Kelly.  Way too much fun to adequately describe.  Laura has pictures of the madness up here.   FYI: soporific
        Now it's back to the grind.  The second biochem exam is next Wednesday, so I'm trying to start studying for it now.  I do not want to get used to a new testing style with lectures that are much less satisfactory than last semester's.   Yay for teaching yourself biochemistry.  Or not.
        Lots of stuff is going on with APO.  We have nominations for the next couple of weeks for officers next year.  I'm currently nominated for VP of Fellowship, and as of next week, I'll be nominated for VP of Membership.  Fellowship sounds like a lot of fun, but the more I think about it, I might be better suited for Membership.  Dori (the current Membership VP) was really excited that I'm interested in the position.  It's nice that we can sorta run for both and get one.  I like the idea of letting the Brotherhood decide which, if any, position they want me to fulfill.  I got my penpal for the Tekoa Girls project.  Reading her letter was really exciting.  It seems that we have a fair amount in common (granted, that for the most part is yet to be seen).  So far I know she likes Tool, APC, and Harry Potter.  It's a good start.  :)   
        Megan is going to come and visit the weekend of April 7th.  I can't wait.  It's only been a few months, but it's one of the longest times we've gone since I was 11 that we've been apart.  It's like I'm going through withdrawl.  There are a couple of service events going on that Saturday that we're going to go to.  They're the fun ones with kids, and she seems like she wants to do them.  Then she'll get to meet the APO crowd, which is cool.
        I'm attempting to keep slightly more "normal" hours, so it's bedtime for me.  Lots to get done tomorrow.

04:57 am:

I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to bring it up, but i had to. I come from a family that puts band-aids on problems instead of confronting them. I'm not like them. I air dirty laundry because it's the only way for it to come clean.

But I didn't want to.

I feel like someone has died. Maybe a part of myself. Maybe it's that glimer of hope you get when you think you've found it. Everything seemed to fit so perfectly. I don't know that I've ever ben so well understood, nor understood someone so well. It simply was not enough, and I could not and can not figure out how to make it enough.

But how do you let that go?

How do you erase from the mind's eye the contented picture of a future that can no longer happen?

02:26 am: an update

       For the record, I started writing this entry about 12 days ago…so if it rambles on…so sorry. Christmas was wonderful. Aunt Mel, Uncle Greg, Mimi and Papa spoiled me rotten. I got some lovely clothes, mostly sweaters :) One of the ones Mimi got me is 100% cashmere...I'm almost afraid to wear it. With my luck, that will be the day I spill something. Aunt Mel bought me a beautiful three stone diamond ring. I must say, this kinda makes me want a class ring less, but I'm still thinking it over. I also got some little stuff, like books and new headphones for my mp3 player. I'm sure Will appreciates that because now I can return his earbuds to him. Other than the few minutes of gifting, Christmas was spent hanging out and spending time with the family. A couple of days later, Aunt Mel, Mimi, and I went outlet shopping, where I got more cloths. I'm fairly certain that I am going to have to either ship some things back or pay a fee for having overweight bags. Someday, I'll get the hang of this packing thing.

     Not much else has been going on. Mostly just hanging out. I've been working on various applications: summer programs, scholarships, FAFSA. Bleh. I hate all these forms. I especially hate the personal statement portion. I such at personal statements. Give me a lab report, and I'll rock it, but make me write about myself, and I become a written mute.

     New Year’s Eve was certainly something. Aunt Mel and I went across the street to Patty and Lee’s party. Aunt Mel left a little before midnight to ring in the New Year with Uncle Greg who didn’t want to go to the party. I stayed, until about 5:30. It was a pretty crazy night. Steven, another neighbor’s son is home from FSU, and Lee and Patty have a high-school aged son, Jeremy. Jeremy’s friends were over, and all of us and a lot of the men were throwing darts for a while. A significant quantity of alcohol was consumed by all involved. A new drink was invented. It’s called the sea bomb- a shot of jager dropped into…Alka-Seltzer. And I drank one. But let me give some background about how I got roped into drinking this concoction. Now Steven suggested that we do a tequila shot. He went to his house to get a lime (it ended up being a lemon- good enough). I went into Patty’s for a sec, and when I come out, Aunt Mel has volunteered me to do one of the abominations. It was interesting. Good times

     Let’s see, what else- more socializing and hanging out. Sometimes I get tired of trying to update this thing when on break because there are so many people and connections and sidestories and drama that make the days pretty interesting, but would require way too much work to tell. Sometimes it’s like an episode of Jerry Springer (not in our house, but neighbors). My schedule is totally screwed up now. I’m pretty much used to going to bed at dawn or later, so I’m going to try to go to bed a few hours earlier tonight so that I’m well rested for my snowboarding trip  I’m sure there will be snowboarding (or snowfalling, in my case) stories and pictures.

08:56 pm: and yet another month+ goes by

        It’s been a long while since I last updated.  Thanksgiving break was incredible.  Hectic, but so much fun.  And really, knowing me, should I expect anything less than hectic.  I started the break out a day late because I stayed to have a meeting with Dr. Castagnoli about my Goldwater essay, not that it helped.  Then I traveled to Charlottesville to see Megan and her new (well, not really new anymore, but the first time I’d seen it new) apartment.  We had a lot of fun.  We went to a certain Chinese restaurant recommended by Dr. Yee and ate sushi. We saw the new Harry Potter, got free coffee, when shopping, hung out, and went ice-skating.  My knee was bruised for almost 2 weeks from that, but it was so worth it.  Then I went to Richmond, more specifically Laura’s.  We were supposed to go to Longwood together, but she wasn’t feeling well, so I journeyed the backroads of Virginia on my own to see Sarah.  It was so good to see her since I hadn’t in like a year.  She took me out to a lovely steak dinner and we went to a flute and percussion recital which was interesting.  At least it was entertaining to put her ex on the spot.  He was in the percussion ensemble, and we were sitting in the front row.  Glorious.  From Longwood, it was back to Laura’s where a bunch of us went to Galaxy Dinner (or Quest  :P) and saw The 40 Year Old Virgin at the Byrd.  Apparently these are two things that all people should do when in Richmond.  Then I went to Lindsey’s and had a extremely tasty Thanksgiving feast.  Her mom even made me chipped deer and toast for breakfast the morning before.  From there it was back to BBurg for the close of the semester. 

           As ususal, the end of the semester brought pure insanity.  Yay for exams.  Those turned out well, though, and I’m overall very happy with the semester.  It’s not just the classes that made this semester so awesome, though.  Last semester “the crew” was pretty much just Lindsey, Will, Justin, and myself.  This semester, it “the crew” has grown so much.  When you habitually go to lunch with so many friends that you need 2 or 3 tables, you know it’s good. 

          I’m out in California now, have been for a few days.  It’s been pretty busy with errands and pre-Christmas fixings, especially with Mimi and Papa flying in tomorrow and the Christmas party on Friday.  I’ll be out here til the 12^th of January, then it’s back to BBurg for what will probably be the most challenging semester of my college career.  I’m throwing around the idea of going associate for the semester in APO.  I’d feel really bad because you’re not supposed to do that the semester after you pledge, but at the same time, I don’t know that I can handle the 45 hours of service and the pledge interviews.  As it stands, I would only be able to do interviews on Tuesdays for like an hour.  That’s just not fair to the pledges.  And although I enjoy doing the service, I don’t need that commitment hanging over my head.  I mean, my days are already going MW 9-5:30, F 9-3, Tues 12:30-1:45, Thursday 12:30- whenever I get out of research lab.  That’s just pure class time.  I still will have tons of homework/reading/studying to squeeze in there.  And I really want to keep up with salsa.  Everyone deserves a little fun once a week or so.  As you can probably tell, I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not wonder-woman because I know I have the tendency to try to do too much and I’d rather 1)not screw myself over and 2) stay sane for another semester.  That’s not even taking into consideration the massive reviewing/relearning I need to start doing for the GREs.  How is it that I manage to stress when on break??? 

           On a happier note, I’m really looking forward to the rest of this break.  I’m going to learn to snowboard, and am getting some of the stuff I need for it for Christmas.  I’m getting  a really cute snowboarding jacket and matching pants.  I’ll probably be bringing the jacket back with me to Tech, which will be handy for those really really high of 19 degree days that we get.  Even niftier- it has a pocket especially for my mp3 player.  Well, that’s about it for now, more later.

11:10 pm: and it starts

I'm so glad it's finally break. Granted, I still have a lot of work to do, but I don't have classes, meetings, or research. Nor do I have to hear the sound of my alarm, which is currently ~120 miles from me...it's not far enough. I had my meeting with Dr. Castagnoli this morning...it lasted like 3 hours. Yep...more drafting on the essay. But he's so awesome, and patient. I feel like I'm just a good set of hands in lab, but the theoretical aspect is killing me. Well, not killing me, but it's complex, and there's a ton of jargon. But I'll get it.

I got to Charlottesville around 3:30 and got to see Megan!!! It's so weird not seeing her all the time, but definately awesome that I'm seeing her now. We hung out for a little while and did our nails. Manicures rock. Then her roommate had leftover steamed oysters and clams. I don't recall having tried them before, so I did, and they were quite tasty. Then we went one of those Taco Hut places (Taco Bell + Pizza Hut). Hooray for interesting food combinations. It was getting close to HP time, so we went to pick up our tickets (Fandango rocks my socks) and decided to get coffee. We didn't know where a coffee shop was, so we decided to go into the Hampton Inn with the thought that there might be a restaruant where we could get coffee, and were delighted to see complimentary coffee and cookies in the lobby. Granted those are for guests...but...well, it was convenient. And quite good coffee I might add. After our free coffee and cookies, we went to the movie, which was brilliant. But I won't say anything about it here because too many people have yet to see it. I will suffice to say that they are no longer child's films, and I don't think little 6 and 7 year olds should be in there.

Tomorrow is potentially working out (we'll see how that goes), working on my paper, ice-skating, a favored Chinese place, and seeing where Megan works [in no particular order]. Busy busy day, but lots of fun.

More later kids.

03:36 pm: this sucks
Okay, so I went ahead and updated only to find out that the website didn't actually update. Because I don't have the energy to actually write it all out again, here's the Cliff's Notes version:
-I'm really sick right now, feel like total shit, and don't have time for this because I have exams next week that I haven't started studying for...this is going to be disasterous.
-I'm moving in with Laura and Joci next year! This is going to be really awesome since we all get along, have the same ideas about living together, and will all pretty much have the same classes.
-I'm no longer a pledge of APO. I'm technically a neophite and will become a brother after initiation on Wednesday :D
-I'm spending Thanksgiving break first in Charlottesville to see Megan, then in Richmond with first Laura, then Lindsey. Major coolness.
-I already can't wait to go home for winter break. I miss my Auntie Mel!
-It's been particularly awesome this semeseter since all of us biochemers have been hanging out more together. Yay for lunches after biochem and late night studying in Easy Chair.

07:54 pm: whirlwind of busy-ness

So apparently I suck at life, or at least keeping this thing updated. But when it comes to sleeping for an extra half hour, or updating this, all ya'll loyal readers lose. Sorry. :P As seen by the subject, I've been really super busy. I'm almost never home. My roommate even asked me to do her a favor...get more sleep. Pledging is going great. It's the main thing that's making this semester so busy, but it's a lot of fun, so it's definately worth it. I'm getting to know the Brothers and the rest of my pledge class better, and everyone is really cool. I've started doing interviews, and they're really helping the "getting-to-know" process, not to mention helping my poor brain remember all those names. I'm running for pledge class president because...um...I'm crazy? That, and I think I could do a good job planning our service project. I'm running against another biochem major...maybe we're all just overachievers.

Research lab is going well. I finally understand exactly what everything we were doing last semester means. I have a few more questions for Philippe and maybe I'll understand what all I'm doing this semester. How nifty would that be? Dr. Castagnoli sent me information about research convention in October that I vetoed. For one thing, it's in Richmond and I'd have to go all by myself. Now I'm not saying that I want someone to hold my hand, but I don't think I'm qualified or experienced enough to field questions from PhD's about what it is I'm doing. Sometimes babysteps are a good thing people.

Classes are going. I can't really say yet as to whether they are going well or not. We had our first biochem exam last week, and I know I made a couple stupid ass mistakes. Those always piss me off, but oh well, too late now. I think Kim said it best (though she wasn't talking about biochem). "It's no longer about not failing, just failing less than everyone else." Chem Lit is pissing me off too. I lost points on an assignment for using the passive tense. This annoys me for two reasons: 1)We had not gone over the fact that we're not to use passive voice; and 2)I happen to know for a fact that scientific writing uses passives voice, like in the paper I helped write that is going to be published. I'm setting up a meeting with her to figure out exactly what she wants so I can spit that back at her on paper, and to bring her said paper.

Megan came in town this past weekend for the game. I volunteered for concessions for the first half of the game, so I gave her my season ticket. I didn't really see her much on Saturday since I worked consessions and she was watching the game with her boyfriend. We did get to hang out Friday night, though. Megan, Diane, Lindsey, and I went to Theta Xi. It was my first graffiti party, and it was sooo much fun.

That's all I've got for now. I need to get back to genetics since I slacked on that for the biochem test last week.

09:18 pm:

Yet another week of the semester is over, thankfully. It's been a pretty long week. I have the impression that I've been really busy, but I can't remember that much of what it was that kept me so busy. Probably didn't help that I started out the week staying up late with people watching the football game. Ya know, start the week off tired, and there's just no way to get rid of that. Wednesday was spent immersed in academia. Class til 6, took my Personal Health test, then studied with the crew for the Genetics test until like 2am. It was like Castagnoli's final all over again. The test wasn't bad, but he did have material on there that he explicitly said wasn't going to be, so that pissed me off. That was also the day Aunt Mel had her surgery (read: Skye was a nervous wreck. [Thank you so much, hun. I can't tell you how much that meant to me.]) She made it through surgery well and is currently recovering. :D Exhaustion + stress is not the best recipe for test success, but I managed. Thursday was formal rush for APO. I was warned that it was going to be the more boring rush of the three, but I didn't think it was. I'm really looking forward to pledging, though if I think about exactly how much I will have to do this semester, it kinda freaks me out. 52 interviews, at least a half hour long = 26+ hrs, 28 hrs community service, weekly meetings and quizzes, and that's not counting the purely social activities. I know it's going to be a blast, but I'm going to need to become the queen of time management. As in, I've been a total slacker thus far and need to step it up a notch. Down with procrastination!!!

Today's been a good day. Biochem was per the usual: entertaining and informative (gotta love if when the prof throws the chalk across the room, says that it was pointed out that it was the first time that year that he's done it, then sighs and says he's mellowed). After class I had lunch with Justin, Jamie, Shivan, and Sim. It was certainly entertaining. I've come to the conclusion that there is something on the Y chromosome that says Family Guy is inherently funny. I've been informed that I need to see a marathon of this show, as well. I know it's damn funny, but I don't think I'll ever reach the point where I start laughing so hard I cry at the mere memory of the show. ::cough, cough, Justin:: After lunch I packed and headed here, which is Chapel Hill. I'm staying with Mimi and Papa this weekend, and we're going to tour UNC and Duke. We probably won't get to tour any of the really cool sciency stuff, but at least get a feel for the campus. The other info I can find out online, but I want to have an idea of what the atmosphere of area is. So far we've gone downtown and got dinner, walked around and finished the night with icecream. While we were walking around there was a group of guys (I'm assuming rushees/pledges of a frat)walking about in women's langerie. It was damn entertaing. And I definately cat-called them as they passed. Because I could. And because that's why they were being made to do it. Mimi and Papa thought it was great, both the cat-calling and the scantily clad young men.

Well, I think I am going to head to bed. We're all going to go for a shlog (Papa's version of a jog- mix power walking and a pirate with a wooden leg and you'll get a pretty good idea) in the morning. Except that I'll be jogging. G'nite

11:24 pm: one more thing

I forgot to mention:

My Chem Lit class meets once a week. This week it will meet in Newman Library, right in front of the front entrance. A junior chemistry major in this class asked me today where the front entrance to the library was. WTF? Now I don't expect everyone to be mistaken for a media specialist (gotta love pc terms :P), but really, not even knowing the front entrance of the library? He's been here for 2 full years, get a clue.